Be gone

What to do when you feel like you have no part in this world? That everything that is good in your life are just moments and not your reality.

What if you couldn’t focus on your current goals because you are living always in a constant turmoil where everything in your life is being shaken?

What if you felt you don’t have a place and that your place doesn’t matter?

How can you move forward without a clear mindset?

How could you demonstrate you are the creator of your own reality and a cocreator with all this problems in your current reality?

Life is constantly happening and it doesn’t stops just because we do. There are people so thirsty for life and so ambitious that makes you feel undeserving to even live. There are organization so controlling that makes you feel they only care because they can use you for their own benefit.

So what is the point of a human being in these conditions when nothing feels supportive of who he is?

My answer is death. Death has to come, something inside that person must die in order to continue. Personally I have died many times. I had to reinvent myself from ashes. Leading me to not wanting to be an ideal of myself but just be myself. Wanting me to not be a construct of others minds or desires but just my own self. But what does this mean exactly? And why it feels so alone? Anyone…?

It is getting to a point where is so exhaustive to be reborn. Some way it feels dna is the same over an over. Realizing I haven’t change who I am, but barely just the surface. Inside I am still that little girl scared of life and people. Feeling that she needs attention constantly because she doesn’t want to be alone. Because she doesn’t want to be left out, forgotten. She want to be lead by hand with love because that is unfulfilled within her.

I am a grown up woman now life still going on even when I stop to write this. Something in me doesn’t want to move forward but I feel I need to because everything and everyone else is doing so.

Sometimes I just wish I could be gone, but I guess that will be the easiest thing.

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